A Moment, Another Moment

Reading time - 5min

Lovely concert. At the end she stayed after at the merch table to sell and sign things. We lined up and after 30 or so minutes and cussing under our breath at some of the people cutting in line, we got a chance to speak with her and her brother who produces her music. As usual I feel like I could have said more of the right things. Retrospectively I always feel I could have said that or should have said this.

But, ultimately, to what end? What would the goal be? So I could make myself memorable to them… then what? Be best friends forever? It’s ridiculous but that’s what it is. And I consume myself in that mentality that I misplace my center and am not as natural as I would be otherwise…. Or maybe I am, but in other situations I might care less and so don’t ponder on it.

                I had this same feeling when we recently went to get our Italy jersey signed by three players of the Italian national football team. You bought your shirt, stood in line, and when it was your turn, handshake, quick chat, picture, signature, and via. Who cares what I would have said. We are individuals with our own lives that happen to have crossed paths for a brief moment in time, like it happens with many others, and that’s it. An experience. One to cherish or to forget. 

                There is also the feeling that in these situations I feel rushed. There are people in line waiting and I’m a long answer person, and thus I stifle my response because I feel disrespectful if I were to let my long-winded self go. That I can be more mindful of. I waited, why would I not be entitled to feel justified to say my piece?  

                So, retrospectively what I would have answered or said would be:

·         To the remark, about being so tall and the people behind me being mad, I could have said “I needed to ensure my sisters had a good view.”

·         To the, “you knew all the words,” from Priya I…. I still don’t really know what to say to that, “I’m a fan of music, so when something is good I listen to it.” (that’s actually pretty good)

·         To, “what was our favourite part of the concert” I would have elaborated on my answer “the ending,” (which came off as, ‘the part where your stopped playing music and we got to go home.’) explaining that I was more familiar with the Damnshestumil album, and the closing songs performed after the encore were from that album and where the decorative bow to wrap the lovely concert with.

And overall, I want to say… I should have said, what I thought of her music and why I bought it. To the former, how she blends the tumil/south Indian sound with modern sounds is unique and makes for a musical blend that works, it’s good music. To the latter, I bought her album because my son’s grandmother is Tamil and, through musicm I want him to be in tune with that culture. The blend of her sounds is a perfect way to incorporate his heritage into his surrounding life as he lives the first moments…

…. Now, would it have changed her life if I said this? Would we have become best friends after that? No. At maximum she would have thought it was sweet and in a future, recalled that brief shared moment.

What it would have mostly impacted was probably my sisters in law. Calling out the already present memory of their mother in a situation that they felt she was close to them in, would have made the moment honest.